Question by : How do I tell my soon to be ex to back off in a mauture way?
We are 24 and we married young. There was love indeed and we lasted 7 years together, but over time problems kept building up that were swept under the rug and she had enough, which I understand. But instead of legitimately taking the effort to work things out she went off, filed for divorce, and started an affair with my buddy the personal trainer all in what seems an instant to me/ But like most men in my case I was too naive to open my eyes and see what was happening. Of course my first reactions were begging, buying her gifts, counseling, promising change, but no budge. There are times when she would call me and says she missed me. There were times when we kissed and had sex. Even numerous dinner dates have occur ed, but its always one big circle where I take it as more then what it was. She tells me all these things ” I want to be with him, but I’m not jumping into his arms after divorce” “I love you but not in love” “Maybe in the future we can have something” yadadada.

4 months has passed and I woke up to reality. Its hard to finally believe the one person you trusted and loved most in this world can change into this person. I really don’t know what she wants in life but I do know that she is happy with her new man and she is pursuing the divorce RIGHT NOW. I deleted my facebook, changed gyms, stopped testing her, and even had a stern talk about boundaries and our relationship now only consists of legal and financial matters. Instead of obliging
she then wanted to fight about how I broke her heart and about how she is not the bad guy. I left but since then she still texts and calls me about personal stuff. “Hows life? I did this at work. etc” And she still sits right next to me at church.

I do admit that it was my fault for not standing my ground and upholding the no contact since our last talk. But now I need the right words to tell her to basically back off and let me heal. She is a great person and I know that she doesn’t want to hurt me intentionally, but at the same time she can’t expect to keep me in her back pocket while she is sleeping with this other guy. I need to sit her down and tell her in a mature way whats up and what going to happen.

Need some tips and pointers here. Thanks.

PS.
No Kids or any property. We pretty much split everything already

Best answer:

Answer by confused
im the wife in my situation and I can tell you that you did the right thing. my husband left me the same way she did you and its been hell, im not where youare emontionally yet but you give me hope that I will be ok. I think you just need to be firm and hold onto your choice. if she sits next to you , move, if she txts you change your number.

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